Of Loss, Grief and Hope
The journey of the sibling, the mother and the child who went to heaven’
In 2004, I went through the most terrible loss a parent can experience… I lost my oldest child.
A battle with childhood cancer that went on and off for 6 years ended up in the ultimate loss. Our lives changed forever!
The journey has been a very difficult one. I have walked a path of darkness that sometimes have been dotted by speckles of light. Other times the light have inundated the entire trail. Darkness again, light again, pain, peace, hope, brokenness… healing and more hope.
About 10 years or so ago, God placed a dream in my heart: “write your story”.
A beautiful dream, but one I thought almost impossible because of the financial cost involved. It seemed impossible until my miracle came late 2021: A grand from Artsbuild was bestowed upon me to make the dream a reality! I cannot thank God enough, and I cannot thank this organization and the private sponsors that provided the funding!
The notion of our story evolved into the idea of writing about our experience from three different perspectives:
• An account of our story from the perspective of my youngest child. Telling the story from the standpoint of the sibling who witnesses her sister’s illness. Her experience and the impact the whole thing have in her young life.
• My own experience as the mother. Which has morphed into a medley of thoughts, learnings and sharing of some of the supernatural experiences I have had over time concerning this loss.
• The story from my oldest child’s stand point. To my surprise her account of the events begins with her death!
My deepest desire is that our story impacts- in- a -possible- manner the Individuals touched directly by the loss of a child/a loved one. I pray that it affords solace, validation of feelings and fears, inspiration, healing and hope.
I believe with all of my heart this story can also benefit people that aren’t directly impacted by the loss. As an ‘outsider’ you can: gain a better understanding of the impact of the situation and the repercussions in every area of the affected individual’s life; you can get an inside view of the struggles and the murky nature of grief. My hope is that as a caring ‘outsider’ your empathy and compassion will grow and be transformed so you can offer better support to the bereaved
In short, I see the book potentially impacting in a positive manner everyone that reads them, whether touched directly by a similar situation or not.
The experience of losing my child sprung forth profound lessons. Teachings that change my priorities in life. Learnings that altered me forever.
In this life nothing goes to waste – especially the lessons learned during hardship.
God uses all of it for good, even this terrible loss.
I know I will stumble and fall. But I also know that even when I can’t hold on to the one above, He holds me tight and raises me up.
I am thankful for the glimpses of eternity I have experienced even thought I do not deserve them.
I am so grateful for the certainty that my child is alive and well; living on the other side of the thin veil that separate this side of heaven from hers.
I know that one day I will be with her again.
But until then,
I will choose to open my eyes to the goodness that still surrounds me, to love deeply and to continue in the process of becoming what I am meant to be in this life.
I will navigate the currents of my grieving process for as long as it takes.
But in the course, I will allow myself to learn to use this undying love to overcome my pain, and to overcome my darkness.
With God’s help, I might be able to shed light into another’s shadowy path. I will choose gratitude as much as I possibly can!
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"I am fully convinced that the soul is indestructible, and that its activity will continue through eternity.It is like the Sun, which, to our eyes, seems to set in night; but it has in reality only gone to diffuse its light elsewhere." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe